Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
