Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
