I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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