Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Mom said you looked used
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
