just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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