My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
