i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize