There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
