It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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