im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
