i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
