atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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