I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
