i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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