curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
