Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
