i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
