i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
