Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize