i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
