I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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