i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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