were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
