I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
