oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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