If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
