Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize