i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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