I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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