I love black thongs
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
