My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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