Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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