Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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