So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
