HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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