this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
