My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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