Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
