I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
