then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
