I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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