i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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