i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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