He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
