i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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