Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
