I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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