I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
