Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
