I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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