I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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