Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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