Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
