hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
