3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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