Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
