I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Randomize
