oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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