So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Couch. On fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
