I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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