My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
