do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
