I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
