Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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