I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
