did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
