I hate all girls vehemently.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
im on a boat
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