I cannot find my penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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