i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
