I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
