Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
