I didn't shave. On purpose
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize