My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my shit smells like andre
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize